


Love

by Roxinnaxu



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angels, Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Demons, Forbidden Love, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, Mutual Pining, Other, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 15:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19976212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roxinnaxu/pseuds/Roxinnaxu
Summary: The love Aziraphale and Crowley hold for each other simply cannot be described in human terms. The word ”love” itself is a bit wrong for the occasion. The way they feel about each other is, like most celestial things, beyond our understanding, and one can only try to explain it so that it could fit into our little brains.Aziraphale and Crowley love each other; they just don't do it in the way we might expect them to.





	Love

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is a point where three slurs are used; it’s in the first line of the paragraph that starts with “For years he had watched the outcasts,”

_The love Aziraphale and Crowley hold for each other simply cannot be described in human terms. The word ”love” itself is a bit wrong for the occasion. The way they feel about each other is, like most celestial things, beyond our understanding, and one can only try to explain it so that it could fit into our little brains._

* * *

_Crowley just doesn’t feel that human kind of love; no demon does._

_Aziraphale is something else. Maybe being with Aziraphale is something the humans might call love, if their tiny souls just could fit the entirety of the feeling Crowley feels when he looks at Aziraphale. He feels warm, for once, and there is the special kind of belonging that comes with that beautiful angel. Crowley has never truly belonged anywhere; from what he can remember, not in Heaven before he Fell, certainly not in the smelling and dirty corridors of Hell, not with the humans. Aziraphale is the one he can honestly without a doubt say he belongs with. And isn’t that a beautiful feeling._

_Aziraphale loves him, for a lack of a better word, and Crowley loves Aziraphale. They have both known it for a while. Crowley could always see that longing in Aziraphale’s eyes, could see his fingers twitching at his sides as if about to reach out, could feel the love that threatened to burst out through the ripped seams of a corporation that could barely hold an angel inside._

* * *

”Love”, Aziraphale says the word with such gentleness that Crowley almost has to sit down, ”is a word I have described my feelings towards you for a while, but I have to wonder; would all I feel fit into that one human word? How could one four-letter word hold my feelings when even this body is straining to hold in all the things I feel about you? My dear, I could say that I love you, but would that be true at all? It wouldn’t be nearly enough.”

Aziraphale is standing so close, now. Crowley swallows.

”It would be enough for me.”

* * *

_Oh, how Crowley had longed for Aziraphale. He used to lay awake, dreaming of the angel wrapped around him, dreaming of only the slightest touch of that beautiful soul. Crowley would have burned in the holiness of Aziraphale, had it mean the chance to drown in that soft glow. Crowley would march into Hell and request a lifetime (and more) of suffering, had it meant Aziraphale letting him into that embrace._

* * *

Aziraphale smiles a little sadly at the words.

”No, I couldn’t tell you that I love you. Not when you deserve so much more than that, not when my feelings for you run so much deeper.”

He reaches out and carefully, gently, takes off the sunglasses. Underneath Crowley’s eyes are shining with unshed tears.

”I was made to love the universe, Heaven, Hell, and God. I was made to love you, and yet I cannot, for love is nothing compared to what I feel when I look at you. I was made to love even the worst of humans and demons, so how could I put you in the same line with them? To love you would mean to feel about you the same way I feel about Satan. I simply cannot do that.”

* * *

_Aziraphale was created for love. He cannot help loving. He loves God, and other angels, and he loves the demons of Hell. He loves humankind, every single human he loves, even those with faults. Truly, there had been only a few humans he had not loved as much as the others, and even then he had loved them too, if only with a bit of regret. [1]_

_He loves the stars and the planets and the everlasting night sky, he loves trees and flowers and all sorts of creatures, he loves flowing rivers, silent lakes, enormous oceans._

* * *

Aziraphale lifts his hand and gently cradles Crowley’s face. His thumb swipes away the tear that has begun to fall.

”I would destroy it all for you. I would destroy Heaven, I would destroy Hell, I would destroy the Almighty if it was for you.”

The words are said with such confidence that Crowley doesn’t have any other choice than wrap himself around Aziraphale, both the corporal form and the celestial being. Aziraphale responds in kind, and Crowley hasn’t felt this warm since the Hellfire.[2]

* * *

_He just happens to love Crowley a bit more than all of those combined. He loves Crowley with the light and the dark, he loves Crowley through his very being. That is the kind of love that could overthrow Heaven and drown Hell, the kind of love that can destroy as much as it can heal._

* * *

Crowley would have slept for a thousand centuries if he just could do it in his angel’s arms. And Crowley would have defied both Heaven and Hell, would have stood against both Satan and God if it had meant standing with Aziraphale.

* * *

_Once, after a certain church in the 1940s, Aziraphale had prayed with a rather troubled mind._ My God, _he had said,_ You must know that I love You, but for You know all, You also must know that my love for Crowley is bigger than my love for You. And if You see it suitable to have me Fall for loving, even then I will not cease to love him. With the heaviest heart and the strongest will do I sincerely hope it does’t come to that.

_Aziraphale had not Fallen. [3]_

* * *

There were lots of things that angels nor demons didn’t understand about humans; Aziraphale wished that being punished for loving someone you are not expected to love was something only he had to be afraid of.

For years he had watched the outcasts, the differents, the faggotsdykestrannies stand up over and over again, take those words and build them into something to be carried with pride. He had watched all those people struggle to open the way so that maybe the next ones wouldn’t have such a dangerous world thrown at them. Year by year they refused to be invisible, and year by year they cleared room for themselves. Year by year they made themselves seen.[4]

There had been a lot of new flags as well, and Crowley and Aziraphale were currently trying to decorate the bookshop’s window with them. They hadn’t gotten very far, mostly because they kept getting distracted by each and every colorful flag, their meanings and the wonderful world of Google.

* * *

_The love Crowley and Aziraphale feel cannot be called romantic love; they established that very quickly. Neither demons nor angels are made to feel romance, and Crowley and Aziraphale are not an exception. The love they feel goes far beyond romantic, the sense of belonging and trust not something a romantic love could ever fathom._

* * *

Crowley had never quite understood the concept of romance. As a celestial being he didn’t get any of those crushes or stuff, and he certainly didn’t fall in love. Human beings seemed to chase love all their lives; if there was one thing they appreciated more than the possibility of going to Heaven, it was finding love and settling down. It sometimes made Crowley feel rather lonely and different, not that he really had any other things in common with humans anyway.

* * *

_It is not sexual, either; Crowley had seduced a few people thorough the ages, and afterwards decided he did not care much for that. Aziraphale’s job had never included lust, and he was perfectly content with that._

* * *

Now, sexual attraction was different but almost as unappealing. Sure, as a demon lust was a part of his job description. Crowley certainly had lured a few people into bed with him, but that hadn’t been particularly pleasant or amazing or any of the other words associated with sex. The only spark had been the one Crowley had snapped into the existence, and all in all those encounters had been rather dull.

* * *

_Humans had reached for Heaven for as long as the stories carry. It was the one constant; they were always climbing higher, trying to do better, following sets of rules and regulations just to get to that peaceful eternity. Or, alternatively, following different sort of rules to get to Hell. The difference was the same._

* * *

Even if humans could never quite grasp Heaven nor Hell, some of them had managed to capture a small part of angels and demons, and that was why Aziraphale lovingly took aside the flag with purple, grey, black and white (a·sex·u·al) and the similar one with two shades of green (a·ro·man·tic) and Crowley smiled a bit.[5]

* * *

_To sum it up, nice and simple, Aziraphale and Crowley don’t love each other like we expect them to. They don’t love; they were a part of the universe that got split in two, and neither is complete without the other. They always have and alway will find each other, walk on the same road til the end of time. They would die, kill and betray for each other, and they will nurture and comfort each other. They know each other better than they know themselves._

_How could that be love when it’s so much more?_

**Author's Note:**

> 1If you are wondering, dear reader, he loves you too. He loves you so much.[return to text]
> 
> 2And even that fire had hurt, had burned his wings as he had Fallen. Aziraphale doesn’t burn; Aziraphale could never burn.[return to text]
> 
> 3Years later he had prayed again, this time in gratitude. _My God, my Almighty,_ had he said, _You have given me the chance to love openly, love freely, for not a moment did I doubt that it was Your plan that lead us to this._ [return to text]
> 
> 4Aziraphale had always aimed to help them all; he hid them when he needed to, offered encouragement, stood up for those who would never be understood in the current world.[return to text]
> 
> 5Aziraphale also took aside the one with yellow and purple and black and white, because even if humans got it quite shallowly, it still felt a bit like belonging.
> 
> Aziraphale did not mind being in a male corporation, and he had rather gotten used to the pronouns. Angels didn’t really have much need for such things, and Aziraphale wouldn’t have minded being called she or they or anything else, for they would feel just as fitting as the ones he had gotten. That is, about as fitting as a cloth you have no use for and that feels adequate at best, but which you are expected to wear.[return to text]


End file.
